Read My Mind: See my desires
by AmuPotterKuranNarutoCullen
Summary: This is my view on how Occlumency could have changed the relationship between Harry and Snape. Slash SSHP! Independent!Harry Angsty!Snape


Title: Read my mind; see my desires

Rating: M (HELL YA) XD

Summary: This is my take on how OOP should have gone, and how Occlumency would change the plot line.

Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own harry Potter! I only own my candy and cheesecake:

My Dad: What are you talking about that cheesecake is mine!!

Me: BACK AWAY FROM THE CHEESECAKE OLD MAN!!! :

My Dad: meep*

_**N.B : The SSSSS line breaker means Snapes P.O.V and the HHHH line breaker means Harry's P.O.V**_

ENJOY!!!!

Chapter 1 – Occlumency?

****

"Albus!"

"I'm sorry my dear boy but you must!"

I, Severus Snape, Hogwart's potion's master, dropped my head on the desk in frustration Albus grimaced but continued to sip his sugar laden tea.

"It won't go according to your plan! He will NEVER be able to learn!" I shouted, lifting my head to glare at the old man.

"Are you sure about that Severus?" Albus said with his damnable twinkling blue eyes. I glared at him even more and then suddenly sighed.

"You do realize what these lessons entail?" I said wearily. Albus arched an eyebrow at me.

"If I recall I WAS the one who taught you Occlumency and I don't think I'm THAT old Severus," he said smirking.

"Yes, yes, yes Albus," I said moving his hand as if swatting a fly away, "I do realize that YOU were the one to teach me but I trusted you and I still do. Trust is important for Occlumency and Harry bloody Potter has never, does not and will never trust me!" I ended with a shout.

"Severus you don't know that for sure," he said looking down at his tea.

I was about to argue but then I realized that the conversation would continue in a circle. I would state my facts and he would just question them until I go tired and gave up. What was the point?

"Alright I'll do it," I said quietly

"Splendid!" the old man said.

The only thought running thought my head was, "How in heavens name was I to tell Potter?"

****

The fumes from potions drifted upwards, all smelling foul. Still, I couldn't contradict, not with this deadly concoction before me. I grimaced and sighed heavily. Surely potions shouldn't be THIS hard! When I made potions by myself, in the COS (Chamber of Secrets), I made them perfectly and with ease. Now, though, I was at a loss. In this class I couldn't get through one step in a potion without messing up.

Snape stood before me. He was going to question my ability to think, as usual, or maybe he had found a new way to insult me. I hated when he did that! I had my razor in my pocket. If his words would hurt I would just miss a few minutes of my Transfiguration class to cut. It's not like I was suicidal though. I was just USED to the blows that cam after hurtful words and I knew that if I didn't cut myself and force myself to feel the pain, then I would anticipate a hit from anyone!. So therefore I would be extremely jumpy and a jumpy Potter was a suspicious Potter

Instead of the usual he just told me I got a zero. After class he told me to wait behind though. After the class filed out I stood in front of his desk looking down at my shoes.

"Potter, Professor Dumbledore has asked me to teach you Occlumency and I have agreed. I won't give you the details. In fact I want you to go find the details. This is not for you to come and report to me about your findings but to help you to not look surprised when we start. We will start tomorrow at 7:00pm," he said casually.

It took awhile for it to sink in and I wanted to argue with Snape and tell him that I didn't want to be taught by him, but the mention of Professor Dumbledore hung in the air. With a heavy sigh I told Snape that I would come tomorrow for the lessons before slipping off to Transfiguration.

I could always skip dinner tonight and head off to the Library. If I was hungry I could get something from the kitchens later on in the night and so I ended up in the Library reading up on Occlumency.

I found out that Snape would have to poke through my memories and I would have to block him. After finding out that piece of knowledge I took off my glasses and rubbed my eyes, waiting for my delayed reaction. It never came. So I continued to read on, trying to find away to block him out. That night I attempted to block my thoughts but it didn't work out and I found myself in the bathroom throwing up what little was in my stomach and trying to get the sounds of screams out of my head. After that I bathed and changed into my muggle clothes, deciding to read a little more before putting on my robes and going to eat. I couldn't see what I had done wrong though. After reading through a paragraph over and over again I sighed heavily and slipped on my robes before heading to breakfast.

School went by in a flash and it wasn't long before I was in front of Snape's office 5 minutes early, trying to force myself to knock on his door. I had always found Snape, intimidating, though of course I would never let him or anyone else know that. I couldn't call him ugly or a greasy git like Ron and the others could. I also couldn't say that I was attracted to him. I mean, I knew I was gay but it wasn't like I was having fantasies of Snape. I shook my head. Why was I standing outside of Snape's door telling myself that I do not have fantasies of Snape? In the next moment Snape would see my childhood. That would mean he would find out about the abuse and also about my time in the Chamber of Secrets. I tend to go there often. I always have liked the place since I found it in my second year. I suppose that is odd for me, especially when I nearly lost mine and Ginny's life in there. Nonetheless I liked the place and soon Snape would find out all about it. I sighed heavily before knocking on the cold wooden door.

So how was it? This is my second fanfiction! I hope you guys liked it. Please Review and Rate and criticize PROPERLY. That means no "I Hate this" crap. Go ahead and say "I hat this because the plot is….. or the writing is……"

I will update quickly on this story because I like writing it. So yeah. I hope I did good.


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